Choosing Co-Sleeping: Our First Six Months

18/10/2020

Learning how to co-sleep

Arafat & I started co-sleeping at day 22 and it is, to this day, by far my favorite experience with him. I gave birth to my little prince in August of 2020 and since then, my husband and I have used (safe) co-sleeping to nurture a close bond with him.

I had done a lot of reading prior to and was very aware of the real risks often cautioned about with co-sleeping, but I was also aware of the historical context that has resulted in a culture were new parents are instructed to maintain distance between parents and newborns. An article I came across traces how co-sleeping has become so controversial noting that this rhetoric rose to prominence with the rise of the value of independence & individualism. Of course it is not as black & white as that. The more I read about Co-Sleeping the more I realized that Co-Sleeping is such a dynamic term with the practice of Co-Sleeping existing in different forms like bed-sharing, using a side-bassinet, sofa-sharing and more (and not all of them are equally safe).

I knew I wanted to try bed-sharing- a decision made by a sleep-deprived mama at a time when I thought having my son by my side would ease night feedings. And it did. I was not too worried at the beginning as I knew I am a light sleeper and have become hyper aware of noises and my general surroundings after giving birth. I also spoke with our baby doctor & my breastfeeding coach about breastfeeding with the baby lying down next to me, and we agreed that the best way to avert any possibility of choking, his head & back should always be supported. And of course, to be extra extra attentive. ALWAYS.

We used back support until about five months, and today Arafat is able to fully tilt onto his side to feed and roll back when he is done.

Dream Feedings

At 22 days, when we started, co-sleeping did not involve much actual sleeping, at least for me. Arafat was waking up to feed quite regularly but co-sleeping allowed for dream feedings. Babies until  a certain age, wake up often in the middle of the night as their tiny stomachs are getting hungry (yet again). If you ever watch a newborn wake up in the middle of the night, you will notice they start by puckering their lips looking for food. This movement is happening while they are sleeping. If a newborn does not find food, they will start waking up more & more until they reach a point of crying. However, if their tiny little lips find food, in this case your breast, they will take their nightly feeding WHILE completely asleep. Yes, this is a magical ability that babies, especially newborns have. Co-sleeping allowed for me to take full advantage of dream feedings, as the moment I would feel Arafat waking up I would quietly guide him to my breast where he would continue his sleep.

At around 3.5 months Arafat started sleeping through the night, sometimes waking up for a 5am feeding & falling asleep for a good 3 hours after that. I am writing this a little after the six month mark, and today he is able to wake up, find my breast, feed and fall back asleep, all without having to wake me up. I do, nonetheless ;) We believe co-sleeping played a major role in making sure he felt safe & loved throughout the night, just a perpetual feeling that someone was there which allowed him to ease into a nightly routine quickly. At this point, I put him down for the night in his bed, mostly to ensure he still knows how to fall asleep on his own, oftentimes moving him back to sleep with us after his A.M feeding.

Establishing Intimacy

It has been a little over six months since I met Arafat & we have naturally spent the great majority of that time together. Newborns, especially if they are only breastfeeding, need their mothers close like that. As Arafat grew up and I started pumping, he was able to spend more & more time with others even when I am not around (which was never really a problem, with Arafat being true to his Leo sign & always enjoying familial company). Our shared time decreased as I started spending more time at the office, and co-sleeping was a great way to spend our nights together and make sure we still had quality time together. It has become an almost nightly tradition, where Khalid, Arafat & I (sometimes Kaya, but she is finding her independence these days) play & hang around in bed and fall asleep together through the night. Khalid is often awakened by Arafat’s tiny fingers grabbing onto him at dusk & he says it is one of his favorite things. Co-sleeping has given us these intimate moments with our son, moments that bond us as a family and create memories we will always hold on to.

Parenthood, your own way

Co-sleeping, like everything in parenthood (literally everything) is subject to countless opinions. And, I consider most of them to be valid. But here is the thing about parenthood, there is no one way to do it. If there was, humanity would have gone extinct thousands of years ago. Instead, we have endured through a myriad of cultures & customs at all points of human history. To varying degrees, it all works, and it is necessarily different by child. We started co-sleeping, and continued to do so, because it worked for us: it helped Arafat sleep better through the night, helped regulate his night/day schedule and just all around made him a much happier baby. I hope if you are reading this and want to try co-sleeping, that you talk to your baby’s’ doctor before, and even if you do not think this is for you & your baby, this journey is uniquely yours.

More Resources

Co-Sleeping With Infants: Science, Public Policy, and Parents Civil Rights, with James McKenna

Co-Sleeping, Bed-Sharing and Room-Sharing: What's Safe and What Isn't?

Safer Sleep & the Breastfed Baby